That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
