I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
dude. I can hear the air.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
