we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
