i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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