It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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