omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
