why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
