Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
