did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
a search helicopter?!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
