i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
