Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize