Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
