You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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