Where did you get a picture of my penis
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize