He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
