Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
