She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
