I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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