Im at strip club and am horny
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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