DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
