You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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