Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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