Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
