i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
