And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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