I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
