Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
birth control should be required to get into college
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
