so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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