Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize