just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
youre lurking in front of me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
