First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
