So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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