can u get pink eye on your cock?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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