I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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