if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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