just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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