yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
