So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
