We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
