There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
