why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Someone shattered a urinal.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
