We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
