You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
