sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
