i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
