I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she woke up with a sticky ear
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
