I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
