I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
