One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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