No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
