I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
