it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
