been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
