Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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