um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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