we're chasing vodka with high fives
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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