I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
