I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize