I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
