Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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