There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
