It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
