Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
