Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My balls are so social today.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
