Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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