i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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