Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
